Category: Reframing with Keith

With no baseball to serve as our national pastime, I believe complaining can finally take its rightful place.  People love to whine.  Too short, too long, too cold, too hot.  Let’s examine perspective and its relationship with complaining.

Consideration – Reframing 100 degree temperatures

                Makes 90 degrees look tolerable

                Excuse to avoid doing something you didn’t want to do

                Increase your respect for air conditioning

                Comforting thought when the temperature is 10 below zero

                Reminder to visit someone who might be at risk

                Free heat

                Chance to clean out your pores

Living in the Midwest it seems like we get about five days of 100+ temperatures each year.  On those days the 100+ generally lasts about 6 hours.  Doing the math that’s 30 hours of 100+ per year.  A 365 day year has 8,760 hours which means that we experience extreme heat for three tenths of one percent in any given year (.003).  Is 3/10ths of 1% a significant experience?  Would you invest in a financial plan with a projected .3% return on investment.  (Well maybe some would they do routinely buy lottery tickets where the odds of winning are less than 1 in 15 million.)  Would you get worked up if the interest on your car loan changed from 0.0% to .3%.  How does such a short period of intense heat result in so much complaining?  It’s just a matter of perspective.

I wonder if those who complain about the heat have ever stopped to calculate the percentage of their life that the devote to complaining.  If a person were to spend 1 minute complaining about each of five issues a day, they would spend 30.41 hours complaining each year. (5 minutes x 365 days / 60 minutes = 30.41 hours).  A seasoned complainer can knock out 5 minutes of complaining and barely have to stop to take a breath.  Most experienced gripers spend even more time with internal complaining called “self-gripe.”

Complaining is one mechanism for releasing energy.  Most creatures are innately restless.  Human restlessness can result in productive accomplishments or dissatisfaction.  One manifestation of dissatisfaction is complaining.

What’s your perspective on complaining?

                Natural phenomenon

                Necessary evil

                Healthy release of negative energy

                God-given right

                Typical way of dealing with things that don’t go our way

To help you examine your perspective on complaining let’s consider complaining inflow and outflow.

Consider your reactions to the complaining of others

                Third party – overhearing others complain.  Do you become intrigued by the content?  Curious about their life journey?  Annoyed by having to listen to it?

                Recipient – others complaining to you.  Are you sympathetic to their issues?  Glad they picked you to unload on? Looking for an opening to get in the complaining game?  Strategizing how to get out of the situation?

                Target – someone complaining to you about you.  Are you open to their criticism? Seeking to figure how you can grow from the experience? Angry at their abrasiveness?  Plotting to put them in their place?

What’s your take on the complaining you engage in?

                General griping – complaining without even realizing that you are doing it

                Social griping – complaining to fit in with others

                Entitled griping – complaining about inconveniences or injustices which disrupt your life

                Targeted griping – complaining at someone who you believe needs or deserves to be griped at because they have disrupted your life

I find it troubling that as much as I believe that complaining is an unproductive use of energy, I still get caught in the complaining process.  Why an unproductive use of energy?  Consider these questions.

                Does complaining about the heat reduce the temperature?

                Does complaining seem to bring a sense of relief to the complainer?

                Does complaining lead to an action plan to change the impact of the heat on them?

                Does complaining seem to represent an overall negative perspective of the individual doing the complaining?

Consider this.  If you know a complainer you can hide from them, however that individual has to hang around themselves all day.  That’s a discouraging thought.

So is a 100 degree temperature a problem or a temporary experience?  If extreme heat creates a risk, seek alternatives.  Apply a cool towel, find a location with air conditioning, keep hydrated, seek shade where there is a slight breeze, pray for rain and remember this situation is temporary.

Exercise

A current trend in physical wellness is counting steps.  How about focusing on emotional wellness by counting complaints?  Get a counter or a note pad and record a point for each time you find yourself complaining.  Keep track for a couple of days and see how you do.  If you really want to regret a decision, ask someone else to monitor your complaining and give you regular updates.  Once you have established a baseline consider putting yourself on a complaining diet.  Put a quarter in a jar each time you complain to help fund your retirement.

As you become more aware of your perspective on complaining you will realize just how much control you can have over it.  Change what you can and adjust to what you can’t or don’t want to change.  Whatever you choose is okay.  It’s your perspective.

                Keith Neuber     keith@ikan2.com             www.ikan2.com

Decisions, decisions, decisions.  We are constantly making decisions.  Have you ever considered what influences your decisions?  Your perspective of the situation or circumstance has considerable influence on the choices you make.  As I launch this blog my aim is to draw awareness to the significance of perspective and how perspective management can enhance the quality of your life.  The principle underlying perspective management is referred to as reframing – the ability to take any circumstance, no matter how traumatic, and turn it into something life productive.  I’ll pick an issue of the day, offer some clever (my opinion) reframes and share some tools for managing perspective.  I am anxious to receive your comments and feedback.  I begin.

Reframing the COVID shutdown

An opportunity to tell your future grandchildren how you survived the toilet paper crisis of 2020

Come to realize that you really do need a hobby

Chance to make a fortune in the personal protective equipment marketplace

Opportunity to paint your garage that you have been putting off for 26 years

It’s been a very interesting few months.  After publishing two books in 2019, I was ready to hit the lecture circuit this spring to spread the word on perspective management and how to create a harmonious, multi-generational workplace.  That plan was derailed by a microscopic organism at a time when understanding the art of perspective management could have really been helpful.  The underlying principle of perspective management is that when a person can’t control the circumstances in life they always have a choice for how they look at them.  I think we all have experienced a major dose of circumstances which have been beyond our control.  While I can’t change that I can try to use this as an opportunity to make a difference.  Thus, I embarking on a journey I never imagined taking.  I am going to try to “blog.”

I want to help people understand and utilize the skills of perspective management to improve their quality of daily living.  I plan to focus on every day issues that most of us encounter.  The issues will provide a forum to help us examine

1.       What influences our decision making?

2.       Why we choose to react the ways we do?

3.       How we feel about the results?

4.       What alternatives are available?

The philosophy behind perspective management is a concept known as reframing.  Reframing is the ability to take any experience, no matter how traumatic, and turn it into something life productive.  Not necessarily positive, rather life productive.  COVID is an experience that has had impact on everyone in many different forms.

Please take a moment to formulate your perspective on COVID-19.  What did you come up with?

Here are some randomly selected perspectives.  Microscopic organism that is highly contagious in adults, pandemic killer, inconvenience, just the latest version of the flu, a plague, germ warfare, political maneuvering, population control, evidence of the presence of aliens, ….

For perspective management, what a person thinks is less significant than why a person thinks it.

Consider these examples:

If you tell me that COVID is dangerous and I believe what you are telling me, I exercise caution.

If you tell me that COVID is dangerous and I don’t believe you know what you are talking about, I ignore your warning.

If you tell me that COVID is dangerous, I believe you, but I don’t consider myself to be at risk, I see no need to take any precautions.

I could go on and on with examples.  Although the information was the same in each example, once it is interpreted by the individual, different perspectives result.  Perspective influences a person’s decision making and behavior.  Due to the fact that each person has a different personality make-up and life experiences a group of individuals could hear the same information at the same time from the same source and develop vastly different perspectives on what they heard and what they think it meant.

In developing skills for perspective management each person needs to be curious about what factors contribute to their forming an opinion.  There are many common factors as well as factors unique to each person.  Common factors generally range across a continuum.  Consider the following examples:

Perceived validity of information
Strong affirmative impact:  Extensive research
Strong resistive impact:      Wild guess

Confidence in the source of information
Strong affirmative impact:  Responsible journalism
Strong resistive impact:      Fake news

Perceived sense of vulnerability
Strong affirmative impact:  Medically challenged senior
Strong resistive impact:      Young and healthy

Desire for peer acceptance
Strong affirmative impact:  Socially dependent
Strong resistive impact:      Rebellious spirit

The extreme aspects of the range have the greatest impact on decision making.  Consider sense of vulnerability. 

Why would a senior with health issues living in a COVID hot spot city refuse to take precautions?  On face value it doesn’t appear to be a logical decision, but it is apparent that something is affecting their perspective.

Why would a healthy person living in the rural Midwest be driving with a mask on with no one else in the vehicle?  They must perceive some kind of risk, are fantasying about being an outlaw, or some other perspective.

Decision making is a direct result of perspective and yet most decisions are made with little to no consideration as to what is influencing that perspective.  That would make sense when decisions work out well.   When life doesn’t seem to be going well, it would seem that each of us would want to figure what was going on and what we could do about it.  Surprisingly few actually invest the energy to chart a different course.  In business there is a constant evaluation of what is working and what could improve outcomes.  In personal life some are more likely to blame hard times on fate, bad luck, obstacles created by others, feel helpless and remain stuck repeating dysfunctional patterns of decision making and behavior.

One value of perspective management is taking control of the decision-making process.  When decisions work out well, determine what is contributing to the outcome and repeat it in similar circumstances.  When decisions create challenges, evaluate what may be contributing and try something different. 

Remember the emphasis is on curiosity rather than analysis.  There will be many times when it is unclear what works and what gets in the way of desired outcomes.  Everything becomes a learning experience

Activity

Take a few minutes and make a list of recent decisions.  Divide them into two categories: decisions that worked out well and decisions that I wanted to work out better.  Look at the process that lead up to the decision.  Figure out what you do well and where you want to make some changes.  Put your change plan into practice and see if you can get a better result.

I opened with some reframing of the COVID shutdown.  The painting of the garage was part of my adjustment to the challenges I created in response to the shutdown.  To counteract my boredom, I went in search of a project where I could feel a sense of accomplishment with a tangible outcome.   Fortunately, I had procrastinated in painting the garage that had been dry-walled since we moved in 26 years ago.  I justified my behavior by getting rid of five cans of left-over paint.  I added the accent wall to give anyone who knows my attitude toward decorating a good laugh and I kept the negativity beast on the run.

My plan is to write something a few times each month.  My next entry will focus on influencing perspective.  Each time I will focus on a different aspect of perspective management.  I hope you will visit occasionally, send me your thoughts on the subject, and I especially look forward to seeing your reframes of challenges you encounter.

For information about I K.A.N. Presentations and my two new publications please visit www.ikan2.com.

“If You’re Not Having, Fun You’re Doing It Wrong: The Art of Perspective Management”

“Conquering the Generational Challenge: Creating a Harmonious and Productive Workplace”  co-authored with David Butler